how i feel today:

Beyonce's choreographer made a mothafuckin video.

quoots?

ladies,
ever fart while sitting with your legs crossed and the fart has nowhere to go but up? and you end up with this little air bubble trapped by the wondrous folds of your vagina and it's just chillin there being a fart? is it possible to suck it in and re-queef it? has anyone succeeded in this? does it have a name? a QUOOT? a QUART? I NEED TO KNOW.

worst hump day ever?

This morning, I was jolted awake by jackhammers on my street at about 6:30, maybe 7. They slowly got closer and closer as they moved down the street, and were right outside my window just as my headache became unbearable. I got up early because there was no way I could sleep through that shit, and went to take a shower. I stepped into the shower & slipped and almost fell because there was a thick layer of slime & hair & soap scum on the floor, so I cleaned the shower, did my thing, got ready to go, went to feed the bunnies, and the expensive ass hay I bought for them last night (which I bought because it was on sale, but paid full price because I forgot my pals card and apparently they can't give me the discount any other way) was all over their damn litter boxes and they're all pooping on it and being smug. I made a new hay box for sgt. pepper out of the box from Allie's snuggie, and of course the bunnies are all pissed about the jackhammers too and running around and thumping and being little shits. So I left early to get away from it, and it was nice and sunny and there was very little traffic and oh shit what is this new noise my car is making on the highway? not a noise I've heard before, and it only happens when i'm going 65-75. which is one of the only times I don't have to deal with my clutch being pretty much completely gone, so now driving my car is obnoxious at all times. I'm merging onto rt. 2, I have to slow my ass down to yield to everyone getting on 95, and this asshole slows down, trying to get BEHIND me while i'm fucking waiting for him to go. I fucking hate when people don't follow the fucking rules because they think they're doing you a favor or some shit but no all it does is piss everyone off because I'm expecting you to fucking GO so I can GO because that's how it works and that's what I should expect you to do. fucker. so then at the first light this asshole wants to take a left when you clearly can't do that, the bitch behind him gets pissed, tries to go around, trips over her vagina and manages to knock her side mirror off on the asshole's truck somehow, and it goes spinning across the lane so that it's right in my fucking way as I'm trying to go around these assholes so I had to swerve and I honked and yelled and threw my banana peel at the truck's windshield because I'm fancy like that. So now that my day officially sucks, I decide to ditch rt. 2 and go straight to Concord center to get myself a chai and a delicious blueberry crumb muffin from my favorite cafe with the adorable girl that works there that is basically me 7 years ago. There was a sweet parking spot with 10 minutes left on the meter and I walk in and the cafe is FULL OF BABIES. CRYING BABIES AND THEIR FUCKING MOTHERS and the line was forever. My headache got so much worse, but the adorable girl was working and we talked about wanting to shake all the babies and she made the best chai. When I got to work the wild bunny that lives behind the building hopped through the grass and stood on his feet and looked at me and it was really cute because he's not being a brat and pissing on hay or anything.
Now I'm afraid that everything will go wrong and I'll have to fix so many messes because that's what happens to me at work anyway. It's sunny and nice out but somehow it's raining a little? I'm pretty sure there is a tiny rain cloud above the building, following me around all day. I'm hoping that today just gets all kinds of better and my headache goes away and I can leave early and take a nap because tonight is 3 hours of Lost, which Allie and I will watch from our cookie-filled blanket fort, and it better blow my mind and be awesome. If all this shit is just balancing out how awesome Lost is going to be, I'm ok with it. Like, maybe Jack should die tonight. And Rose & Bernard will save everyone else. Except Juliet. And Vincent will jump through the screen and hang out with us in our fort. Please.

bein a fancy designer lady

I'm going to High Point Market this year yayayayay! I'm leaving with my work ladies after work today. There will be a lot of ogling fancy things and free cocktails and nice dinners and shmoozing. Just an average weekend for a fancy lady like me, obv. The next 5 days are basically going to be a Golden Girls episode IRL, although Mary's not coming, so it will be like an episode without Rose, which don't exist because that's just wrong. <3 I'll miss y'all!!!
Update: Case in point, Cathy just offered to run to Dunks for me from now on so I can use her senior discount.

Officer Assaulted While Attempting To Tow Suspect’s Vehicle - w4w (Centre St)

4:36 PM Allie: http://www.bpdnews.com/2009/04/daily_incidents_for_thursday_a_11.html

  lololol

4:37 PM me: yesss

  we should hang out with that bitch

 Allie: I KNOW right?!

4:38 PM scratching officers while they try to arrest her

 me: we should start finding friends through police blotters

 Allie: that's my kinda girl

  HAH

  let's missed connection her

 me: YES

4:39 PM you: crazy bitch on centre st.us: fancy ladies with bail money looking for a good time

4:42 PM 

 Allie:  

http://boston.craigslist.org/gbs/mis/1136826293.html

4:49 PM me: we are awesome.

oh hai

I made a blog!!! Aren't you proud?